feeling:sian
My dad got this stupid net nanny thing.. that blocks off a lot of things.. Esp Blogspot.com.. so i won't be updating for the time being......
Feeling:exhausted.. But happy..
Grad nite was more than just memorable. Although I spent quite some time with SQ in the afternoon, and thereafter some time helping with the preparations for the grad nite (ooo... me ben n SQ tangled a whole lot of balloons and had hell of a time settling it.. haha) the whole evening was totally gooooodddd...
Well, Sq n me had lunch together (a simple meal of maggie noodles and my specialty egg-woohoo) and we were playing for a little while.. Then we went off to grassroots club right after that (at about 3 plus) to help with the decorations... Somehow, we ended up earlier than anyone else.. haha...
The baloons were a major tangle.. don't wanna cover that.. haha.. still, it was rather fun helping out there... esp later going down to 'deceive guests' (lishi... don't laugh... not funny.. hahahaha)
Finally, the party itself... THe food was major stuff.. ok, not say food fit for a king, but definitely good stuff.. the games were not really out of the ordinary, but enough to make the night memorable.. Then, when it came down to the lucky draw, Kar Woon was first up to get a prize.. we were talking about CS, then suddenly "Seah KAr woon!" he was totally stunned there.. haha.. our table got the most prizes from lucky draw.. 6 people out of hte 11 sitting there got prizes.. woot... but i got the best one.. for the first time in my life i got the first prize:a hifi set.. woooooottttt!!!...
Well, it was kinda bulky... so every one offered to carry it for me(ehhh.. hahaa. you know what I mean.. with that grin on their face too.. haha)Anyway, we got to Cineleisure and played CS... Keith ended up losing the MP3 player he won in the lucky draw, as well as the converse water bottle he won from being Mr YCSS... somehow.. he left it somewhere and went to play CS. haha.. but it won't be a big loss to him cuz he's getting a new phone next year with MP3 player(awww.. my turn to get jealous).....
Anyway, it was the first ever MP3 player he had.. haha.. memorable night tho..
Kinda sad Ms Chong is leaving.. WHen she addressed us in her speech, she sounded as though she were holding back tears.. Yes, I really appreciate all that she personally did for me as a principal. However, we're leaving too.. haha..
Still, this night is the most memorable.. of course, it cannot be compared with the birthday party at the ice skating rink.. Both events make me remember this year...
Well, this day 24/11/2004 will go deep into my memory. I'll never forget...
feeling:unhappy
Visited CCK winds today. For the first time since I left. A lot has changed. The Band-tee... the admin...many things...
THey have two string basses now.. However, that was not a wise move because they did not even fill up the tuba section.. talk about string basses..
Let's be critical here.. Although throughout hte practice, Mr Wilson Ong was emphasizing time after time on balance, I believe what needed more work is the percussion and the intonation. poor intonation. one or two flutes were totally out of tune to the extent it was almost a semitone's difference. For once, the flute section had more than one guy in it from any level. three of them were guys. the girl was constantly flat..
The string basses, one guy and one girl. THe guy being constantly flat too... THe clarinets, peggie(the drum major) was constantly sharp. Poor intonation. THat's all I can say.
I would have loved to observed the sectional practice too, but I couldn't. I came right smack in the middle of their camps... Well, I guess, I just want to forget all those times.. Those good days. No. I wanna forget them all. I hate memories. Especially seeing all this change. Well, perhaps my prediction for this band might not come true, that it will close down within five or ten years. I must credit Mr Ong for having had put that hard work in, as well as the school pumping in money to spruce up their instrumental collection and library.
Still, I am no longer a CCK winds member. I will cease to be, I will forget.
Feeling:happy..
Well, this is the first time my friends remembered my birthday. In the past, I guess its because my BD was so late in the hols so nobody knew when my BD is.. Perhaps only sherman would remember it.... :)
Anyway, I kinda tried to make it low key (i scared BD bash la...) but Weijing, Karen, Huilin, Zhenlin, Soh Hua, and Tze yuan celebrated it with me in the ice skating rink.. so we had 3 mins worth of soap suds (used to simulate snowing) for free.. haha....
Well, I was rather surprised, becasue I realised that I couldn't skate as well on ice as I thought I would...the tracings in the ice made it rather hard to skate without my blades going all over the place, and even then, I disliked the alignment of the blades, becasue it made me end up on my outward edges easier, while I was more secure when i'm on the inward edges... was kinda nooby there for the first hour...
Then when I tried a power slide, I fell flat on my butt... ANd owww! My wrist hurt.. Thank God it did not dislocate or break... well, kinda got phobetic of falling later on.. haha.. anyway, there was this pro going around at breakneck speeds and doing power slides here and there. wat de.... but I must agree that the physics of ice skating is very different from roller blading. However, the basics are different, and if you ask me, I think that roller blading is hell lot easier... haha
Anyway, its hte most memorable birthday I ever celebrated. Normally my mum would only treat me to McDonalds.. Yeaps.. thats all.. Last year it was slightly better, in that my parents bought Pizza hut back.,... but nothing beats this year. thanks guys! really, I appreciate it!
Well, I ended the day looking at the pharmacy for rubbing alcohol(for my flute). However, the cashiers were just irritating when they started going "can I introduce this pimple cream to you"... heeeccckkkkk.... Okok!! I'll wash my face more frequently.. ok.. just SPARE ME THIS CRAP.. (I'm not some rich pauper who's rich enough to spend forty bucks on one tiiinnnyyyyy tablet sized bottle of pimple cream).... But well, at least I got what I wanted.. Rubbing alcohol.. for my flute! *sniff...* don't have much more cash to use for the rest of the holidays,.. I'm just hoping here that my dad gives me internet access during the day so that I can play online in alternative to spending my day and money outside.
Haaahhhh... still wishing for the right girl to come along by and.... kinda jealous still.... kinda wishing that I had a girlfriend right now to share this joy and spend some time with me... just me... haaahhhhh... I'm daydreaming... haahhh
Well, this day will go down deep into my memory banks.... 22/11/2004
feeling:alone......
Fighting alone.... I guess i'm half jealous of edi.. who has a better half to compliment him.... Anyway, I've been wanting a better half.. someone to build a house on the rock with. kinda jealous...
Well, i'm still fighting alone.. fighting myself, fighting others... conflict inside, conflict outside... I have a lot of things to change during this time, and I'm thankful God gave me this block of free time.. Tho i wish it can be more but...what the heck!
Sometimes, I feel I need someone to compliment me.. Someone I can encourage, hold up and provoke unto good works.. Someone who can do the same for me...
I guess in reflection sometimes I might just get the whole concept wrong.. Maybe in here, I expect my girl (if i have one) to be my drug, to numb feelings of pain I feel elsewhere.. To let me absorb myself in her, to just get that 'feelings'... I guess i may be wrong sometimes.. in that..
Sigh.. memories. I hate memories. Some of the best times I felt in CCK winds.. I jsut cant let go.. Can't forget... I can't let go the painful fact that since I was politically ousted that the whole band is falling to pieces faster than I expected.. I'm going back to visit on tue.. HEck, I don't even know anyone there. I'm just hoping I still can recover my silvercloth.. an item of rememberence.
I had some of the best times in my life there. two band camps(dam! only two! in sec 1)My seniors.. My juniors.. Everyone was just a family there..... In there, we leave our troubles at the doorstep,.. on dennis' hair, then we go in for the practice.. I enjoyed every single practice.. all the way till end of sec 2.. Some of the grandest times I had there.. Going to perform at the Istana... watching the Crescendo II at raffles hotel. an official concert. performing regularly at MacRitchie... Performed once at CCK park for its opening ceremony... memories.. I hate memories. good memories only make me want to re-live them.. THat makes me feel that loss.. that pain. Bad memories only want to be forgotten.
Sighs.. I need a tranquiliser.. some drug.. some depressant drug... maybe.. haha...
fighting on the other side. It seems that soon, I may have to play the role of da ge in YF.. It seems that ppl from my batch are fast disappearing.. All that remains now are a few senior YFers who will graduate in time to come. then the rest is us.. and the sec 1s and 2s.. Time for me to crawl out of my shell and prepare to take the helm.. but.. I'm not ready.....
Seems that soon, in the 'perfect Bible' issue.. I may end up having to take a stand... in the split. I feel so alone. nobody to fully be able to trust, to say everyting out while having full assurance he will not betray you one day.
I feel alone.
Just alone.
I need recluse.
I want out.
now.
I want out. NOW!
~alone~ still fightin alone... {disappoitned.. bordering on hate}[fighting for all i'm worth] |trying to stay in once piece..mentally..physically|
I guess i'll share about the {disappointed...bordering on hate} part another time.. tired... sad.. can someone share my sorrow and burden? can someone half my burden?
Feeling: Estatic...
Well, at long last, this long bitter battle is over.... WEll, i was crazy enough to go early to school at about 7.... Then i studied until 9 when I went up to sharpen my blunt skill in the flute... and then went to join Isaac in studying....
The chem papers were quite a battle. Paper 1, I hope I got as close to perfection as possible... Cuz paper 2 i kena bunge ler... A lot of qn duno how to do.... Haiz... I ended up skipping question after question, ending up, I reached the end of the paper within half an hour.. (after all that skipping)...
But still, I went to kenny rogers with my group.. Rather disappointed that I was the only guy there.. haha.. All the guys in my YF grp of David all pang seh me... haiz.. but it was quite a delight because not only did I have a good meal, the girls in my group (all older than me, so don't start thinking) celebrated my birthday with a simple strawberry cake.. haha.. hvent had cake for my bd in 7 years.. quite a delight tho.. my grp leader actually remembered my birthday.....
Feeling:sian.. headache
Chem die liao le... phy die liao.. have to score like, super super high then can get a good grade.. hell.... altho phy is one of my strong subjects, totally cannot get A1 cuz of that STUPID BELL CURVE.... Haarrghhss.. such that the A1 has become close to 98%... harghs....
Haiyazzz..... sian liao.. go play game liao... totally no mood to study....
{Disappointed bordering on Hate}[fighting for all I'm worth]~Alone.. still fighting alone....~
feeling:sian...
I trekked throughout the stupid urban jungle in Singapore only to realise that the urban jungle(CBD area) Is full of bars, shops, bars shops BARS, SHOPS, B A R S, S H O P S... Booooorrrrriiinnnggg... And Sam and I were trekking through that stupid urban jungle searching for a stupid archery range ONLY TO FIND OUT THE BUILDING IS UNDER RENOVAION!!! HECK!@!!!
Well, the story goes like this.. We thought we could go to marina shopping centre by going to marina bay. Guess what? we alighted at marina bay only to realise that we are in the middle of nowhere! We saw hell loads of construction sites, but the CBD behind it.. We thought we could find a way to CBD by trekkign through the plain open field that seemed to be between us and a certain building.... Ended up, the whole building was walled, and there was a ladder tied there.. so we climbed it, did a bit of climbing, and finally found our way to the carpark of that building.. Man! Such an adventure! In Singapore.!!! Bleah!
We ended up in shenton way, totally lost. Then we asked a bus-driver for directions, how to get to Marina shoppping centre.. he told us, go the OTHER side and take 75. so we went to the other side of the road, and realised that it was a one-way street. We didn't know what he went by the OTHER side, so we went back and took 75, only to realise we were heading towards Bukit panjang. MAN! going back home....... so we alighted somewhere at grange road, which was near somerset.. and walllllkkkkkeeeedddd.....
Ended up, we took taxi from where we were (totally lost) and spent about $3.90 just to get to where the MRT could get us for much less... Dang!!!
Sighs.. Nonethelesss, still an adventure.. You don't get to do all that climbing, in the carpark.... man.. we really felt like wierdos....
Feeling:sian...
Well, couldn't go anywhere today to play.. Sian.. But neither do I feel like studying... Haiz....
Pining for a girlfriend.. Although I know that isn't right... haiz.. Well, It seems I'm going crazy all alone.. Sometimes I wish for a little support.. Sometimes, maybe I just wish there can be someone who is there for me 24/7....
Alone..
Distressed..
Sad..
Unhapppy...
Somebody stop me.........
feeling:rather mixed..
well, E-math was pretty easy... But I heard that an A1 takes more than just 75%.. rather, it requires 90%.. Sigh... I did lose quite some marks due to careless mistakes in the paper.. I do hope I still can get an a1.. otherwise there is hardly any other subject I can ace..
sigh.. too tired to post anything else.. haha
feeling:sad...
Sad to think of the possibility of the YF falling apart one day... sad... Well, now I guess I have to step outta my shell, and start taking the more prominent positions in YF... I guess If I don't, I don't suppose anyone will...
I felt a strong burden and as I did my quiet time.. Currently, this series talks about men having to step up to take leadership of the church.. I see a lack in leaders in the church.. I feel a need for someone to step up to take up the leadership.. but I don't feel ready.. I feel like there's a great responsibility that both my peers and I have to take up.. but I don't feel ready for it.. neither do I see my peers stepping up to take it..
THis leads me to a very sad question.. once this current generation passes... who will step up? Who will defend the faith? who will lead the church and feed Christ's flock till He comes again?...?
Anyway, e-math paper tomorrow.. i'm fine tuning myself, aiming for perfection in that paper. I guess its the only way I can hope to secure an a1 in e-math..
Sighs.. through O lvls.. I feel myself being torn apart.. being strained beyond measure.. my spiritual health has felt that impact.. I now do my QT very rarely.. Sigh..
I guess you guys in sch won't understand what I'm talking about.. nevermind.. just bear with me.. thanks for being my involuntary listening ear.. I guess I feel a little better after pouring out half my heart here.. :)
Alone
Sad
discouraged
delirious
Feeling: a little disappointed
Sighs.. i spent an hour to finish the a-math paper besides five sub-parts.. And I made fatal mistakes for those five sub-parts... Sigh... I calculated an estimated loss of 20 marks, provided that I do not make any further mistakes... Oh dear,.. I do hope I can still get an a1.. Its about the only subject I ace...
well, I managed to see the Starwars ep3 trailer.. Woot.. Ok.. I'm itching to go see it... Gosh.. I'm gonna storm Mr Lucas' office and demand he give me a copy of however much of the movie they have made so far...
Sigh.. I went for the friday band practice.. Disappointed with how much the band has degraded.. And Mr tan still had the cheek to mention Mr chew, giving the band back to him.,.. man! Being Mr CHew's trusted aide cum confidant(at times), I know only too well he won't want to come back here.. Not only is the pay peanuts, who would want to be paid peanuts to have to clear all the muck mr tan created in this band?! Even I wouldnt want to at the expense of a million dollars..
Sigh.. Why be so angry.. Take it easy. This band has nothing more to do with you. You only used it for a stepping stone. Why bother about its future development? predicting that it will fall and close down within less than 3 years. Seeing that its Cert. of participation is only a matter of time next year.. C'mon.. Its bronze is embarrassing enough...
I declare here and now, that I went for the practice purely because I wanted to orientate myself on the pieces to be played during the Pei Hwa Sec performance. And I'm going to Pei Hwa sec purely because I felt a sense of attachment, being a former student of Pei Hwa primary. I'm going there to just play, and I kinda regret my decision, cuz i'm gonna be part of either a funeral band or a primary sch band... ... But actually, this band sounds like its players are people who don't know how to play an instrument, and are trying to make some noise with the instruments Mr Tan gave them...
Disappointed
Angry
Sad
Alone
Feeling:ok..
E-math paper 1 was soooooo easy... But I made one STUPID careless mistake... I wrote '-3' altho i knew the ans is '-2'.... cuz suddenly at that qn my mind just lost focus and snapped.. then i wrote '-3', forgetting that it was 3 squares I counted, but the shear factor was '2' in the negative direction.. STUPID>...
Well, as for my a-math tml.. Same thing here... its between A2 and A1... Lets just hope the rest of the island duzn score well, k? So tht I stand a higher chance to get an a1.. lol.. thats like, one of my three only a1s..
Feeling: OK
Well, my eng paper is over.. I wrote a reflection, albeit fictional.. But it sounded like something that really happened.. Hopefully it catches the examiner's attention..
Well, gotta rest for tml... Tml's math... haha... Anyway, i got my palm changed for one that is as good as new.. Haha.. quite elated with that...
Feeling:Exhillerated
I studied both Swiss Harmony and Jap Industries... And BOTH came out!! WHee! I had the time of my life wasting 5 mins in the SS paper choosing which should I do.. Cuz I studied into detail for both... Well, I just hope I can get a B3 at least for Combined Humanities.... If I can get an A1 better still... That will mean that my dream of getting 6 A1s would be one step closer to reality... All that would lie in between me and it now is.....Chemistry... Sigh..
well, Anglais tml... Non Francais! Je ne pas parlez le Anglais.. parlez vous Francais? err,,,,,..... anyway, Eng paper tml.. I just hope I can do well for this one.... ANd apply the precious techniques the humourous Mr BArton taught us.. Hehe...
Wish me luck...
Feeling:kinda intense..
Listening to:some unknown F.I.R. song....
Sigh.. Feeling kinda intense.... unlike what I visualised myself doing, ritually preparing for tomorrow's battle like a samurai, meditating, training, calming myself, no.. I spent the whole morning sleeping.. ok, i did manage to cover 2/3 of my target syllabus in an hour in the afternoon.. But that's like, the best I can do...
Well, my family is thinking of going to Batam... After o lvls... No thanks.. I've got so many appointments (To badminton, ice skating.. bla bla..).. Well, my mum was trying to entice me with the sea sports they have there, all that.. No thanks... I still don't want.. Ever since young I had to pursue my own adventure.. I always bugged them to bring me out and do something.. Something other than just swimming (Which they bring me all the time)...
Since young, every time I want to do something exotic, out of the ordinary.. Lke Ice skating... They will say the same things which revolves around these 8 words: Duan(4) Jin(1) Duan(4) gu(3) Shou(4) Shang(1) Si(3) Wang(2) (which means to get injured, break bones, pull ligaments, and die...) Sigh.. Every time hear them say the same thing,, about them worried that I would get injured, get paralysed neck down, bla bla... Sick of hearing them say that..
I went ice skating with ZW and co. the last time.. And see? I din even get a scratch... Talk about duan jin duan gu shou shang si wang... duh... I went mountain biking too at bukit timah hill.. same thing tho.. I din get a scratch...
Sheeze.. Now she comes and offers me this.. Nah. no thanks,.. For all I know I go there then she will say the same thing and dun allow me to enjoy all those sea sports..
Well, about the thing at hand.. Tml.. SS paper.. Wah... Nah...
I'm thinking.. I wanna prepare myself well for tomorrow... Its one of the four papers I fear most now,... Apart from CHem 1&2, and geog... hahha...
Sigh.. wish me the best...
wishing all the best to all those taking o lvls too.. hee..
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